The Queen Regains Control

It's all a matter of "Smile and carry a big stick.....or in this case a shank".

The next time I started the class from Hell, I took a new approach. I forgot you have to do that with kids, and these guys are after all stuck somewhere back there where you thought absolutely EVERYTHING was about you. Remember? It doesn't matter that some of them are 28 or 30 or 50. Emotionally, they're still 14 or 15. It's one of the reasons they're where they are. For the most part, they never learned that lesson about delayed gratification and not always looking for the easiest possible route.

Anyway, I waited until they all straggled in, signed in, and made their way to their desks. I stood in front of the room, exchanged NO pleasantries with them, responded to NO demands for paper, books, tests, and I didn't make a single attempt to get them directed or started. I just stood there with the most engaging and friendly expression I could muster. I think it was plain curiosity that finally made them focus on me and shush each other into compliance. What a golden moment! When it was finally so quiet you could hear a handcuff clink shut, I smiled, spoke in a voice that was quiet, tranquil, and laced with acid as I said,

"Please consider what I'm about to say very carefully. If you're incapable of maintaining even a modicum of self-restraint or you can't muster even the slightest inclination to learn something in the next three hours, please do us all a favor and leave now. Save yourself the humiliation of an OMR referral, and save me the indignation of shouting 'Shut-The-Hell-Up' to a roomful of adults. If you have any questions, save them. There is no room for discussion. Do I look like I'm negotiating?" (They haven't seen the movie of course!)

It worked like a charm. Total silence and cooperation ensued. A fair number of them were no doubt baffled by my bullshit, but there was no mistaking my intent. They didn't need to understand all the words. Besides, it throws them off balance when I use vocabulary they don't know. It was a moment of hard-earned and well-deserved power, and I enjoyed every nano-second of it. Maybe I understand an officer's need to exercise power and control a little better. Whatever. I have to say I liked exercising my Gestapo side for a bit.

I wonder sometimes if one of them ever turned on me, would I crumble and cry like a scared little girl, or would I go berserk and try to slap the shit out of him (and probably get myself a load of lumps and bruises or worse). And yet, I maintain, you couldn't drag me back into the public schools! What's wrong with me?