I'm Baaaacccckkkkk..........

Long time no blog. That's because I refuse to teach during the summer, then I went to Norway, then I got all involved in knitting, reading, quilting, and my emboidery machine -- all of which are incredibly boring to the average person. Not that my life at the prison is all that interesting. But at least it's a slice of life that most of you don't get to see (or don't want to know about)....or whatever.

So here's the latest.

Our humble little pseudo-school tried to take a leap of faith into the 21st century by purchasing the latest in teaching technology - the Smart Board. It's actually an Interwrite Board, which is a competitor of the Smart Board, but I like the catchy name.....Smart Board, so, much to the dismay of the Interwrite Board rep, I call it my Smart Board. He even went so far as to say, "You need to remember: Smart Board: bad; Interwrite Board: good." Isn't he so clever? I still call it my Smart Board, which, by the way, it ain't! As I shall no doubt explain.

The whole concept, you see, is that this 4' x 6' rolling board, through the wonder of Blue Tooth technology, becomes the desktop of my computer. I have a special smart pen that works like the mouse on my computer. I can write, click and drag, select, cut and paste, navigate -- all that cool stuff that you can do with your mouse. Sounds cool huh? Then there's this desk top pad (about the size of a laptop) that comes with it. And with this remarkable innovation, you can give it to any student, and whatever they write on the pad, magically appears on the Smart Board screen. Better and better, huh? What it means is that nobody has to get off their fat ass to do anything. We can just sit comfortably on our butts and, with the click or stroke of a magic pen, interact without having to come into close proximity. Are you sold yet?

Here's what they DON'T tell you:

1. To make your computer and the Smart Board talk to each other, in addition to the Blue Tooth connection, you have to have a projector which connects to the computer via a 25' heavy duty cable that's about as easy to move as a fire hose. Then of course, another power cable runs to one of only 3 outlets in the room -- another hazard to be negotiated all day long.

2. That really cool desk top pad? The one that allows a student's work to be displayed? He can't SEE what he's writing! That's right, it's blind writing, but every movement of the pen is projected. The average human with even above average intelligence can't even produce their own name legibly, let alone an algebraic equation like 21x+3=46. My first comment upon learning this? How tough could it be to make it like an Etch-A-Sketch? The rep tells me there's a bit of a learning curve involved. So I guess I should hand the pad to a student, tell him to practice for 30 minutes, then do problem #7 for all of us. Who ARE these people?

3. This is the best part. There's been an update to the system since our purchase of 5 of these systems last May. All you have to do is go online and download the update. Very calmly, I say, "We don't have internet access." Mr. Rep says, "What do you mean you don't have internet access?" Still fairly calmly, I explain, "This is a prison. None of the classrooms have the internet. Can you get us the update on CD so we can bring it in and install it?" Mr. Rep says, "You'd have to pay for it." A little less calmly, I say, "But we just paid nearly $10,000 for this system. Doesn't that give us the update that was clearly in place if not yet distributed when we purchased this piece of .......ingenuity?" "Sadly, no."

Still trying to make a go of this thing, I offer the following: "The site secretary up in the office has the internet. Can we download it there, to a CD, then bring it back to my classroom and install it on my computer?"
Know what he said? This smart rep? "Well......now you're asking a computer question!"

Honest to God, I'm not making this up!

End result is this. I don't have the update. What I DO have, doesn't work properly or completely. None of the felons can write anything coherent or legible on the desk top pad, but they sure like to play with it. It takes 20 minutes in the morning to set this system up, we step over the cables all day long, and it takes 30 minutes to break it down and lock it up every evening (another wrinkle no one bothered to explain to Mr. Rep. who tried to tell me the beauty of this system is that it's all ready to go every morning as soon as you turn your computer on).

Long story short -- I'm not happy with the Smart Board. As a matter of fact I'm Bored with the Smart Board. Give me the $2000 you spent on my portion of this fiasco and let me buy textbooks, pencils, erasers, and paper. Throw in a few sets of flashcards, and I might be able to actually teach these guys something. Oh no, sorry, that's a different budget altogether. We have "technology money", not "textbook money". GIVE ME A BREAK!!! (just not a prison break!)