The Deluded Druggist

One of my favorite prison characters is one I'll call the Dubious Deluded Druggist. A nice mild-mannered guy who worked at a major pharmacy here in Salt Lake. Even as a pharmacist, I think he disappointed his father who is an aspiring politician. He's also ... um...rather...um...diminuitive (he's a short little shit) who suffers from that elusive short-man-syndrome where he thinks he has to try harder than anybody else to be asgoodassmartascool to be accepted.

Consequently, he likes to impress you with how much he knows (which too often is a load of crap), who he knows, where he's been, and what his plans are.Anyway, in his quest to be cool in his lofty social circle, he apparently became the go-to-guy for OxyContin. Most of the time, you can tell he's just dying to tell you who he supplied, so naturally I'd die before I'd ask!

So he made-the-wrong-deal, or supplied-the-wrong-person, or whatever the excuse-du-jour is, and found his skinny little ass in prison.Papa wouldn't bail him out because the deluded druggist ruined his chance to run for public office, so he cooled his jets at the point of the mountain.

He ended up being a math tutor in my class because he has more than an 8th grade education, although I've seen him give some really weird "help" in basic pre-algebra! I decided I didn't need or want his particular brand of usefulness, but he was close to parole, so I let him just kind of hang out until he could get out.

Now here's the really funny part, and also the part that made me tag him "deluded".

Before his release, he came to me and said his license was being reinstated, his father was lending him $250,000 start up money for his own pharmacy, and he sure hoped I'd come to him for my pharmaceutical needs because he's reliable, trustworthy, and honest! I'm not exaggerating; those were his words......reliable, trustworthy, and honest.

So I couldn't help but add,

"Yeh, but you're also a convicted felon. Under what legal snag will your license be re-instated?"

He didn't appreciate my concern for the general public, so we didn't part on very friendly terms.And anyway, he was back in prison within 3 months on a parole violation. Surprise, surprise, surprise!

He doesn't talk to me anymore, he doesn't walk as tall (as if he could anyway), he doesn't talk as boldly, and he sure as hell doesn't tutor in my math class!

But remembering him brings a smile to my face. I swear, he's even shorter than he used to be!